Who said psychology is boring?

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Psychology isn’t always about the negative side of human nature. Case in point: Our study on sexual attitudes. Thanks to the sexual revolution in the 60’s, sex has become a less taboo topic, but one can’t help but look back at sex-related scandals that would barely make a blip these days. For example, Cleopatra and Mark Antony’s love affair was quite a shock in those times. The 1928 release of D.H. Lawrence’s explicitly sexual Lady Chatterley’s Lover was a hide-it-in-your-sock-drawer faux pas. And let’s not forget Elvis’ gyrating hips on the Milton Berle Show in 1956, which was described at the time by John Crosby of the New York Herald Tribune as “vulgar.” These historical scandals, however, would probably pale in comparison to the sexually liberated views and behaviors of today, as modern research will dictate. A meta-analysis by Peterson and Hyde (2011) on modern sexual attitudes, for example, reveals that many sexual behaviors that would have been considered inappropriate before the revolution in the 60’s, like masturbation and oral sex, are now considered acceptable behavior by most men and women.

On average, our data at Queendom reveals that the majority of people have a fairly liberal attitude toward sex. Scores on our Spiciness scale (tendency and desire to be sexually innovative and experimental) and Sexual Expression scale (comfort with expressing wants, desires, and sexuality to a partner) were 51 and 73 respectively (on a scale from 0 to 100), indicating that while we may not always be innovative Don Juans in the bedroom, we are much more comfortable and willing to discuss sex – and at least broach the subject of throwing something new into the tantric mix.

Gender comparisons reveal that while men had more liberal views about sex (score of 71 for men, 66 for women), women were more comfortable discussing sex than men were (74 vs. 70). And just as wine gets better with age, so too do the sexual encounters. Queendom’s data reveal that the willingness to explore different aspects of sex and be a little more “kinky” increased with age and naturally, experience.

Now, understandably, the majority of our sample was a bit antsy about more adventurous sexual exploits, like having sex in unconventional places. They didn’t hold back, however, when it came to speaking up to their partners about new stuff they wanted to try in the bedroom – and this is a crucial aspect of a healthy relationship. People who were most satisfied with their relationship in general were those who felt free to express their sexual desires to their partner.

Our sex study also reveals that:

  • 17% use six or more positions during a single sexual encounter; 30% shift into four or five; 49% (the majority) use two or three.
  • In terms of how important sex is in their life, 24% adamantly stated that they could “hardly survive” without it.
  • 27% eagerly talk about their sexual fantasies with their partner; 12% would like to, but are afraid of being judged or ridiculed.
  • 31% admit to regularly using sex toys.
  • 39% said that they are comfortable undressing in front of their partner.
  • 69% stated that they enjoy having sex.
  • 81% believe that there’s nothing wrong with masturbation, whether single or in a relationship.
  • The most adventurous place people have had sex: In a car (31%).

Just when you thought psychology was boring, here are some tips to spice up your love life:

  • Do a strip tease for your partner. Put on sexy music that gets you in the mood and dim the light a little bit (or fire up a few candles) to make yourself more comfortable. You don’t have to be a professional dancer – just slowly and sensually remove your clothing, and then your partner’s. You can even laugh and joke around a bit if it eases the pressure.
  • Give each other long, slow, sensual massages. Explore every inch of your partner’s body with your fingertips. The sexual tension will wind you two up like steel springs. The best part? Massage oil not only comes in multiple scents, but some brands are also edible!
  • “Oh those things you say.” In public, whisper in your partner’s ear how much you want to make love. Talking dirty can also be very stimulating for both men and women during sex. Simply narrating (saying what feels good, how you feel, how you feel for the other person) in explicit terms is not necessarily easy for everyone, though. Talking to your partner about what words for sex is a good place to start. Once you agree on mutually-arousing terminology, you can try verbalizing your sexual feelings in the height of passion. If expressing yourself works, it will become easier and easier.
  • Food and foreplay.  Research shows that food and sex share many physiological effects on our brain chemistry. Employing all of our senses, a little food-play can go a long way in the bedroom. Entice your partner with some chocolate, strawberries, or whipped cream, classic romantic foods.
  • Take a moment to compliment and admire your partner’s body. The human body is truly a fantastic creation, regardless of size and shape. Even if you or your partner is not in the best physical shape, there are other parts of the human body that can be considered beautiful and erotic. Bright, twinkling eyes, pouty lips, smooth skin, luscious hair, or a silky/husky voice can be quite the turn on if we take a moment to truly appreciate it.

Insightfully yours,

Queen D

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