We’re like two pigeons that need to validate each other’s pigeonry

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I called a friend last night for relationship advice – knowing, of course, exactly what her advice would be. The problem with problems is that we already know the answer; we either want to be validated, or don’t like the solution and hope for an easier way out. An hour later she called me…for relationship advice. And I pretty much reiterated what she had told me earlier.

“God, we’re such pigeons aren’t we?” I said with sudden realization. “We’re like pigeons who know we’re pigeons, but need to constantly check in with each other to make sure we’re still pigeons. Or we’re like two people in an asylum, both wearing straightjackets. One day I’ll ask you to reassure me that I’m not insane, and the next day you’ll ask me. Why don’t we ever follow our own advice – or each other’s?”

What I find so interesting is that everyone, regardless of age or culture, goes through the same relationship problems. You may feel like your issues or worries isolate you, but there’s a very good chance that there’s someone somewhere out there who is going through the same thing – and wondering what to do about it. This inspired me to post some results of our relationship polls from Queendom, so I can prove that that there are people who experience, feel, and think the same things you do.

Would you date someone who was still married?

Women (697 votes)

  • Yes – and I am right now. (7%)
  • Yes – and I already have. (8%)
  • Only if he/she were in the process of getting a divorce. (18%)
  • Only if he/she were separated. (10%)
  • No – I have in the past and learned my lesson! (7%)
  • No way – never have, never will! (50%)

Men (206 votes)

  • Yes – and I am right now. (8%)
  • Yes – and I already have. (22%)
  • Only if he/she were in the process of getting a divorce. (14%)
  • Only if he/she were separated. (18%)
  • No – I have in the past and learned my lesson! (7%)
  • No way – never have, never will! (30%)

My vote: I’d have to say “No way.” I don’t think either one of us would be in the right state of mind to make it work.


Do you still think about your first love?

Women (1280 votes)

  • I’m still with my first love. (11%)
  • Every day (18%)
  • Quite often (39%)
  • Rarely (25%)
  • He/She never crosses my mind. (4%)
  • I’ve never been in love. (3%)

Men (396 votes)

  • I’m still with my first love. (7%)
  • Every day (18%)
  • Quite often (39%)
  • Rarely (27%)
  • He/She never crosses my mind. (5%)
  • I’ve never been in love. (3%)

My vote: I’d have to say “Rarely.” Mostly because he was an awful boyfriend, but did provide the contrast I needed to determine what I want/don’t want in a relationship.

What is the most frequent reason for arguments in your relationship?

Women (3414 votes)

  • Chores (8%)
  • Friends (6%)
  • Infidelity (4%)
  • In-laws/Family (6%)
  • Jealousy (22%)
  • Money (13%)
  • Parenting (5%)
  • Stress (29%)
  • We never argue. (7%)

Men (1136 votes)

  • Chores (7%)
  • Friends (6%)
  • Infidelity (4%)
  • In-laws/Family (5%)
  • Jealousy (15%)
  • Money (16%)
  • Parenting (6%)
  • Stress (30%)
  • We never argue. (10%)

My vote: I never really argued with any of my boyfriends. Don’t be amazed – it’s because I never brought up my grievances; I didn’t want to rock the boat. Lesson: Arguing is healthy in a relationship.

In a life and death situation, would you be willing to give up your life to save your partner?

Women (2065 votes)

  • Definitely (46%)
  • Maybe (20%)
  • Not sure (10%)
  • Probably not (8%)
  • Definitely not (3%)
  • I don’t have a steady partner. (12%)

Men (954 votes)

  • Definitely (61%)
  • Maybe (16%)
  • Not sure (6%)
  • Probably not (4%)
  • Definitely not (4%)
  • I don’t have a steady partner. (9%)

My vote: This is a tough one. Even if I said “Not sure,” I may be inspired to change my mind in the moment. Kudos to the 61% of guys who said they would lay their life on the line for their lady. Who said chivalry is dead?

Do you think your partner is able to resist sexual temptation?

Women (3000 votes)

  • Yes (39%)
  • Depends on the kind of temptation. (39%)
  • No (22%)

Men (1291 votes)

  • Yes (51%)
  • Depends on the kind of temptation. (33%)
  • No (16%)

My vote: Yes. I like to think that most men are trustworthy. Most women, however, are not as trusting as the men are, from the looks of it.

Does it bother you when your partner checks out another woman/man?

Women (2817 votes)

  • Yes, it drives me nuts. (16%)
  • Yes, quite a bit. (21%)
  • Yes, a little bit. (31%)
  • No, not really. (21%)
  • Not at all. (6%)
  • My partner never does that. (5%)

Men (1359 votes)

  • Yes, it drives me nuts. (9%)
  • Yes, quite a bit. (13%)
  • Yes, a little bit. (28%)
  • No, not really. (28%)
  • Not at all. (15%)
  • My partner never does that. (6%)

My vote: I’ve never caught a boyfriend doing this. I have no problem with a guy admiring other women, as long it’s not done in my presence. It’s a matter of respect, not jealousy.

What would hurt you more: Learning that your partner is having an emotional affair,or a strictly sexual affair?

Women (2628 votes)

  • Emotional (33%)
  • Sexual (18%)
  • About the same (48%)
  • I would not mind either. (1%)

Men (1229 votes)

  • Emotional (23%)
  • Sexual (29%)
  • About the same (45%)
  • I would not mind either. (3%)

My vote: I’d say “About the same.” I do find the contrast in votes interesting, however. Women are more concerned about emotional affairs, while men are bothered more by sexual ones.

I hope this information has helped you recognize that you are no different from others – you are not “polls” apart from everyone else!

Insightfully yours,

Queen D

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