I was going to write this really sweet, heart-warming, post-Valentine blog about love, and how the cornerstone of all successful relationships is Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. I was even going to show you stats from Queendom’s True Love Test where I compare satisfied and unsatisfied couples who have been together for 10+ years. I was going to show you juicy statistics like,
- 60% of the satisfied couples are totally comfortable crying in front of their partner (compared to 25% for the unsatisfied)
- 78% are willing to talk about sensitive or uncomfortable issues (vs. 38%).
- 74% totally comfortable being who they really are, faults and all (vs. 31%).
- 77% would still be madly in love with their partner even if he/she gained weight, lost some hair, and developed wrinkles (vs. 38%).
- If the opportunity to cheat arose, only 1% of satisfied couples would go through with it (vs. 32%).
- If their partner needed a kidney, 85% would donate theirs without hesitation (vs. 69%).
- If their relationship was facing a real crisis, however, the majority of satisfied and unsatisfied couples would be willing to seek counseling.
I was also going to post this question from the test because frankly, I find it hilarious yet insightful:
You roll over after a night of sleeping next to your partner, and gaze down at him or her sleeping. His/Her hair is tousled, he/she is wearing a dorky t-shit, and is slightly snoring and drooling. All you can think of while seeing this is:
- How adorable he/she looks, and how much you love him/her (66% of satisfied couples vs. 44% of unsatisfied).
- How funny and maybe a little cute he/she looks, but you hate to admit, it’s not the most flattering look for your partner (31% vs. 19%).
- How much you want to pull the bed sheet over his/her face (3% vs. 37%).
Then I thought to myself, “I’m going to sound like one of those cheesy advice columnists or relationship counselors who make relationships sound as simple as baking a pie.”
You add a cupful of intimacy so that the ingredients bond together, add several dashes of passion – make sure it doesn’t cool, you’ve got to keep it hot! And bake it at 350 in a giant commitment pie crust. (*All You Need Is Love playing softly in the background*).
Telling people that all they need is passion, intimacy, and commitment to have a happy, “til death do you part” relationship is useless. Annoying. Impractical. Like a visit to my financial advisor when she uses terms like percentages, ratios, and rates of return. Stop. Just dumb it down and make it simple so that anyone walking off the street can understand what the heck you’re talking about.
So I ran a search on people who have been together for 50+ years. Here are their secrets to a successful relationship (I provide links to the full articles at the end):
- Having common interests and a sense of humor is important.
- Remember, everyone has their own personal battle to fight…be kind and be patient with your partner, especially on crabby days.
- Let the small things go – just take deeeeeeep breaths.
- Support each other through the best and the worst of times. Difficult times could break you, but they can also bring you closer together.
- Give each other space, especially after an argument. It allows cooler heads to prevail.
- Talk things over, no matter how difficult or sensitive the topic is. It’s better to talk it out than let a problem bubble into resentment or passive aggression.
- Respect each other – each person’s beliefs, opinions, and feelings.
- Every couple has problems, but in your desire to fix whatever issues your relationship may have, don’t forget all the good times you’ve shared.
- Appreciate each moment you have together, life goes by so fast.
- In the end, all you really need is each other – not money, a big house, 4 cars, expensive restaurants, and yearly romantic getaways.
My true love references:
- Taylor, B. B. (2013, December 28). Each decade has its own rules! What I’ve learned from 50 years of marriage. The Daily Mail. Retrieved from http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2530237/Each-decade-rules-What-Ive-learned-50-years-marriage-BARBARA-TAYLOR-BRADFORD.html
- Baker, B. (2014, December 9). Married for at least 50 years, what’s their secret? Boston Globe. Retrieved from http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2014/12/09/marriage/mWY0q5jU0mpoOO6dDMahfL/story.html
- Andrews, J. D. (n.d.). 25 Secrets About Marriage. Reader’s Digest. Retrieved from http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/25-secrets-to-making-marriage-work/
- Koehl, E. (2015, Januar 22). Couple married 50 years have never seen each other. USA TODAY. Retrieved from http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2014/10/29/inspiration-nation-couple-married-50-years-never-seen-each-other/18138241/